So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize