I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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