I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
