you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
