You really coming over, don't trick.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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