he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
love makes seman taste better
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
