Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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