Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
