Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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