So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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