You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
