First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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