I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
