don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
