so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
