Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
