i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize