Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
