we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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