cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
