Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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