Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
