i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
