I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
