Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
