i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
