every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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