Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
