yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
