Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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