If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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