Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
