I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
