And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize