You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
