i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
