OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
