I wish my penis had an off switch
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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