Whod you bang
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
