He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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