dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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