There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
