can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
