wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
