reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
