I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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