Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
where are my eyebrows?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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