What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
