I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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