My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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