i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
