Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
