dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
