He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
