drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
