A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
