So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
