So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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