he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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