Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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