3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
