Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
