She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
