Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
