I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
40s are totally the cure
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
