I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
