1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize