I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize