I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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