woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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