please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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