ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
