I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
