Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she looked like the before picture.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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