lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
