I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
