grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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