I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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