So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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