i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
