So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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