dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
