today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
